A Doctor's Dilemma Page 7

  “Here, reconnect her to the vent and give the bolus.” Ethan grabbed the vent tubing as he spoke, taking the Ambu bag connection off to replace with the vent tubing. “I’ll increase her ventilator settings to continue providing a hyperventilation state.”

  Kate tossed the Ambu bag aside, then found a syringe and drew up the necessary dose from the tPA bag to give another bolus.

  “Dirk, call Trinity and request a hot unload,” Ethan directed.

  “Ten-four. ETA five minutes.”

  Kate finished giving the bolus and then took Charlene’s left hand, the unaffected one, in hers. “Charlene, squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

  Nothing. Kate’s stomach clenched. She tried again. “Charlene, open your eyes, squeeze my hand.”

  Still no response. Ethan pointed to the monitor. “Her blood pressure is dropping. I need you to start vasopressin.”

  Kate did as he’d asked, noticing how the helicopter banked to one side as Dirk began his descent. Kate had just gotten the medication tubing primed and connected when they landed.

  Ethan jumped through the side door, going around the back to pull the patient out through the hatch. Kate guided the gurney from inside using her good arm to support it until Ethan and Dirk had control of the patient, then she leapt out to follow them.

  They were met on the helipad by two emergency department staff members, a doctor and a nurse. Ethan shouted over the noise of the helicopter as they headed into the elevator. “We believe she threw a pulmonary embolus; we lost her oxygenation in flight.”

  Kate listened while the doctor and Ethan discussed several options. By the time they reached the emergency department, the patient was nearly in full cardiac arrest.

  She watched helplessly as the nurse began doing chest compressions. Ethan shouted orders, and Kate followed the advanced cardiac life support algorithm, giving epinephrine while the doctor drew more blood. If Charlene did have a pulmonary embolus and the tPA infusion didn’t dissolve the clot, there wasn’t much more they could do.

  Their resuscitation efforts ended all too quickly. For a long minute, after the doctor had called a halt to the proceedings and declared Charlene dead, Ethan simply stood there, staring down at her. Kate ached for him. She knew how difficult it was to lose a patient. Quickly she filled the nurse in, explaining how Charlene’s husband and son were already on their way.

  When there was nothing more they could do, Kate tugged Ethan’s arm, drawing him away from the bedside. Every muscle in his body was tense as if he were hanging on by a mere thread. Despite knowing Dirk was waiting in the helicopter to take them back to Lifeline, she pulled Ethan into the empty staff lounge.

  “What in the world happened? One minute she was squeezing your hand, the next she was dead.” Ethan’s sharp tone held a wealth of angst.

  “She must’ve been bleeding internally. Before she threw more clots, especially to her lungs. Or maybe it was a clot that went to her heart. I’m sure the autopsy will tell us what happened.”

  “Where are your jokes and laughter now, huh?” Ethan snapped.

  “This is the time for tears, not laughter.” Kate didn’t allow him to push her away. Instead, she stepped close and wrapped her arms around him. When she thought he might pull away, she held him close. “Ethan. I’m so sorry. I know how hard this must be for you.”

  For several seconds he remained tense as if he would yank away from her at any moment. But slowly his arms came up around her, and he bent his head, burying his face in her hair.

  “She shouldn’t have died.” His whispered words were muffled against her hair.

  Not sure if he meant Charlene or his wife, she tightened her hold. “I know. It’s all right to cry, Ethan.”

  “I should have been there when she died.” His voice was dull, flat. “I can’t believe I wasn’t there when she died.”

  This time, she figured out that he meant his wife. “You loved her, Ethan. That’s all that matters.” Helplessly, she tried to soothe him. Running her hands over his back, she pressed a kiss against his cheek.

  He startled her when he turned and captured her mouth with his. She gasped he pressed his advantage, kissing her fully. What started as comfort quickly flared into something intense. Personal.

  Wonderful.

  His arms cradled her close. Kate couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, her senses overwhelmed by the hot molten surge of desire. If there was a desperate edge to his kiss, she ignored it, the taste of him leaving her hungry for more.

  He continued to press her close, drawing out the kiss as if there were no tomorrow.

  “I hope someone made coffee—oops. Sorry.”

  Ethan lifted his head when the nurse barged into the lounge. He quickly dropped his arms and took a step back in retreat. Dizzy with need, Kate clung to the counter to stop herself from falling, willing her heart to slow down before she ended up on the wrong side of an emergency department bed.

  He raked a hand through his dark hair, avoiding her gaze. “I, uh, we should get back.”

  Kate swallowed hard and nodded. She tried to gather her scattered thoughts. “Yeah, Dirk is waiting.”

  When Ethan turned away, she grabbed his arm. “Hey. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk.”

  He pulled from her grasp, his expression slamming shut as if they hadn’t just been lost in each other’s arms. “There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing can change the past.”

  “Maybe not, but you can change the future.” Stubbornly, she trailed behind him as he strode out of the emergency department.

  “Not for Charlene. And not for my wife.”

  Kate winced at the seemingly scraped raw and bleeding pain underlying his tone. She couldn’t think of a suitable response, partially because he was right. There was no future for some.

  But there was for Carly. And for Ethan, if he’d learn to give himself a break. She didn’t know why he hadn’t been at his wife’s side when she died, but there must’ve been a good reason. How could she make him understand?

  Maybe by focusing on his daughter, the one person he truly loved.

  “Listen, Carly deserves a future, don’t you think? Punishing yourself for the rest of your life isn’t going to help your daughter.” Or you, she silently added.

  Ethan stabbed her with a quick, angry glance but didn’t respond. She could only hope her comment had given him something to think about.

  Because if she couldn’t convince him to look forward, her plan to help him lighten up and enjoy life would be an abysmal failure.

  Chapter Seven

  “I have a surprise for you, Carly.” Ethan glanced across the dinner table at his daughter, grinning when she cast him a suspicious expression of doubt. “Don’t frown at me, this is a really good surprise. How would you like to go to an indoor waterpark in Wisconsin Dells with me and Kate? We are also bringing Tyler, a boy about your age. We’ll leave early tomorrow morning and stay the whole day.”

  “Really?” Her tiny face brightened, then she frowned. “What’s a waterpark?”

  “A place with indoor pools and waterslides. There’s even something called a lazy river where you can float on inner tubes.”

  “Oh, Daddy, that would be so much fun!” Carly jumped up from her seat and bounced up and down without the benefit of her Hippity Hop. “A waterpark. Do we get to wear our swimming suits?” When he nodded, she danced in a circle. In that moment, she reminded him of the way Kate had danced upon learning she wouldn’t need surgery on her injured shoulder. “Goody, I can’t wait!”

  Her exuberance was infectious, making him glad he hadn’t given in to the temptation of canceling his plans with Kate on almost a dozen separate occasions during the past few days. In the end, he hadn’t made the call because he couldn’t bring himself to disappoint his daughter.

  It wasn’t as if avoiding Kate was helping much anyway. The kiss they’d shared had rocked him, badly. He couldn’t seem to shake the effect on his senses. He’d grown addicted to her kiss,
craving a repeat performance to the point he obsessed about when he might have the chance to be alone with her again. He’d been so rattled he’d decided to ask a fellow female resident out for dinner, just to see if he felt the same earth-shattering sensation as when he’d kissed Kate.

  He’d gone as far as approaching Gwen, who was model beautiful, but since he wasn’t the least bit interested in kissing her, he chickened out at the last minute and had asked some lame work-related question instead.

  Man, he had it bad. Ridiculous to put such emphasis on a simple kiss. Even if there had been nothing simple about kissing Kate. As much as he tried to tell himself any attractive woman would have made him feel the same way, after his failed experiment with Gwen, he couldn’t bring himself to believe it.

  Luckily, his and Kate’s schedules had been crazy since the day he’d responded to her comforting embrace by pouncing on her. Smooth, Weber, really smooth. Although, truthfully, Kate hadn’t seemed to mind. In fact, he could remember in exquisite detail how she’d responded.

  Oh, yeah. She’d kissed him back.

  He groaned under his breath and rubbed his hands over his face. These internal debates of his were driving him crazy. Only Carly’s latest nanny prank had taken his mind off the kiss, at least temporarily.

  He narrowed his gaze at his daughter, his expression turning serious. “Carly, you have to promise to stop being so naughty when I’m working. Secretly unraveling Mrs. Carter’s knitting yarn and mixing up all the colors into one huge knot wasn’t very nice.”

  Carly lowered her head and pouted. “It was only yarn, Daddy. She didn’t get sick, not like Mrs. Vanderhoff.”

  Her five-year-old logic made his lips twitch. “Maybe not, but the yarn cost money, and she was knitting a sweater for her granddaughter.” A granddaughter who would probably thank Carly one day for wrecking the thing so she wouldn’t be stuck wearing it. “You still have several chores you need to do to help pay off your debt.”

  “I know.” Carly let out a deep, heavy sigh as if she owed one million dollars instead of five bucks. “I’ll help load the dishwasher.”

  “Okay.” Ethan stood and began to clear the dirty dishes off the table. He’d cheated and stopped for fried chicken on the way home rather than cooking. The twelve-hour shifts he did at Lifeline were great in some ways, but he was never in the mood to cook by the time he got off work.

  “Can we play a game, Daddy?” Carly wanted to know once she painstakingly helped him load all the dishes in the dishwasher.

  “Ah, sure. What kind of game?” Warily, he eyed her. The most recent trip to the store had resulted in the purchase of two sponge arrow guns and matching goggles. No way would he ever be voted father of the year after buying his daughter a gun. But she’d been so excited, and he’d needed something good to distract her from the Silly String and Hippity Hop adventure.

  “Let’s play with the arrow guns!” Carly dashed off to her room to fetch the toys. For a moment, he was glad his wife wasn’t here to see this. Susan would be horrified. He braced himself for the familiar flash of guilt.

  Only, for some reason, it never came. Strange, but a sense of relief had replaced his constant guilt. Carly seemed to be doing better—in the past four nights she’d only had one nightmare. True, she still liked to terrorize her nanny, but even her pranks were getting more tolerable. Like she’d said, it was only yarn and at least Mrs. Carter hadn’t gotten sick like Mrs. Vanderhoff had.

  Kate had been right the night their patient, Charlene, had died. He couldn’t go back and change the past, but he could have an impact on the future. Carly’s future. Susan would expect him to, he knew that much for sure.

  Splat. An arrow hit him in the chest. “Hey!” he protested. “Don’t I get one of the guns first before you start shooting at me? And we need our eye protection, remember?”

  “Okay, Daddy.” She was already wearing her goggles, and the minute he had his on, she attacked again.

  Carly’s lilting giggles made him grin, and he chased her, dodging the harmless spongy arrows she sailed in his direction from both weapons. The echo of his daughter’s laughter was well worth the stigma of buying a gun.

  An hour and a half later, he tucked a happy Carly into bed.

  “Did you tell Kate I want her to be my best friend?” she asked, snuggling beneath her blanket.

  “Yep. She said she’d love to be your friend.” Ethan bent down and kissed her forehead. “I want you to think happy thoughts about going to the waterpark tomorrow, all right? That way, you’ll have sweet dreams.”

  Carly nodded her head. “And I’ll think of Kate, too. She always cheers me up. I can’t wait until tomorrow, Daddy.”

  “I know, sweetheart. Good night.” Ethan pressed another kiss on the top of her head, his chest welling with emotion. “I love you, honey.”

  “I love you, too, daddy.”

  Ethan left the door open as he always did, allowing the light from the hallway to spill into her room. In the kitchen, he opened the fridge and stared inside, then shut it again. He wasn’t in the mood for a soft drink or for anything else. Restlessly, he prowled around the house.

  This was the hardest part of the day, when there was nothing left to distract him from his loneliness. He glared at the television. He wasn’t in the mood for stupid reality shows or a basketball game. He briefly considered checking out a movie on the subscription station they paid for each month, but he wasn’t in the mood for that either.

  He should use the time to start studying for his emergency medicine boards coming up in June, but he wasn’t sure how well he’d be able to concentrate. Like his daughter, he was too keyed up over the upcoming trip in the morning. Especially because he’d be spending the day with Kate without a sick or injured patient in sight.

  Finally, Ethan went to bed. But sleep didn’t come easy. He couldn’t relax. His mind wasn’t helping, he didn’t want to imagine Kate dressed in a swimsuit.

  He tried to push the image away, although Carly’s words echoed in his head. I can’t wait for tomorrow to come, Daddy.

  Oh boy, he knew how she felt because he could hardly wait for tomorrow to come either.

  The next morning, Carly was wiggling so much Ethan could barely get her into her swimming suit, which she insisted on wearing beneath her clothes. Then he picked out dry clothing for her to wear and packed them along with swim trunks for himself, finally adding their beach towels to the pile. He was running late by the time he headed over to the Lifeline parking lot, where they were to meet Kate and Tyler.

  He needn’t have worried. Kate just happened to be running late herself. After a few minutes of Carly asking nonstop when Kate might get there, she pulled up alongside him in a cheery red car and rolled down her window. He could see a small, brown-haired boy belted in a booster seat behind her.

  “Sorry I’m late. I had trouble getting a hold of my granddad.”

  Her tone betrayed her underlying anxiety. Was she looking for an excuse to back out? “Is everything all right?”

  “Oh, sure.” Her furrowed brow smoothed out. “He finally called me back. Everything is fine. Did you want me to drive?”

  “My car is bigger, and I don’t mind driving.” Ethan figured it was the least he could do.

  “Fine with me.” Kate closed her window, pulled the key out of the ignition, and then gathered her bags. She opened her door, then the passenger door for the backseat. Tyler jumped out and walked right up to Ethan. “Hi. My name is Tyler O’Connor. Are you Dr. Weber? Where’s Carly?”

  Ethan’s eyes widened. He’d always known Carly wasn’t shy, but next to Tyler, she seemed downright timid. “Hi, Tyler. Carly’s in the backseat. Give me a chance to get your booster seat latched in, and then you can jump in beside her. Ms. Lawrence and I will pack the rest of our stuff in the trunk, then we’ll be on our way.”

  “Okeydokey.” The minute they had the booster seat placed in the backseat next to Carly, Tyler climbed in. Ethan could hear the boy chattering away as
he helped Kate store her bags in the trunk. He raised a brow when he saw the cooler.

  “You brought lunch?”

  She smiled. “Don’t get too excited. It’s mostly stuff the kids will like.”

  “Any food I haven’t cooked is food worth eating,” Ethan confessed. “Thanks. That was thoughtful.”

  Kate waved a hand. “No problem.”

  Ethan held the passenger door open for her, then jogged around the car to slide into the driver’s seat. He pulled into traffic, trying to think of something to say. Why did this feel so much like a date? He’d agreed to this outing for the kids, a way to show Carly some fun and to give her a chance to spend time with her friend, Kate. Subtly, he swiped his damp palms on his jeans so they wouldn’t slip off the steering wheel.

  There was absolutely no reason to be nervous. This wasn’t a date.

  Thankfully, the kids chattered in the backseat enough that the stilted, polite conversation and long pauses between him and Kate weren’t as noticeable.

  “Did you hear the results from Charlene’s autopsy?” Kate asked.

  “No.” He glanced over at her with interest. “What did it show?”

  “You were right on the DIC. She had thrown clots to almost every organ in her body. The cause of death was listed as multiple pulmonary embolisms.” Kate reached out and gently squeezed his arm. “I thought you’d want to know. We did everything possible to save her.”

  The news only brought a small measure of comfort. With all the great strides in medical care, he still felt as if he should have been able to do more. Thirty-six was far too young to die. “It’s good to know what really happened. Thanks for telling me.”

  An hour later, he pulled into the parking lot of a well-known indoor waterpark called The Grand Adventure. Despite it being a Friday, rather than a weekend day, the parking lot was full, maybe because of spring break. Helplessly, he turned off the engine, not even sure what to do. He’d never been to a waterpark in his life.